The DKW Lunch Club's Third Anniversary Commeration...
Guest-Starring Gene.

Venue: Corretto's on Lygon Street.

The pain of realisation: the knowledge that no matter how much you try to soften the hard edge of reality, you know that you cannot hide forever; Learning to accept the truth.

All my life, I've pushed to be the best that I can be, reaching beyond; always on the lookout for that extra I can do that will distinguish me from the rest. I am competitive: it is my coping mechanism that helps me deal with one of my biggest fears - being ordinary.

I hide behind a false mask of bravado. Every morning, no matter how much it kills me to, I put on my cheery face and my armour that presents me to the world as a confident person and I pretend that I'm tough. I need the world to perceive that nothing's wrong with in my world. I'm like any other girl, I have my insecurities. I possibly have more than the average girl but the difference is that I'm good at hiding them.

I've always believed that no one is going to look out for you, and so you have to be strong for yourself. Over the years, I've fallen and hurt myself so many times but I always pick myself up and move on. I do go through periods where my self-esteem takes a nosedive and this is about the time of the year when I really start feeling that I'm too tired to go on and I just need someone to lean on.

I know that I'm luckier than most and that I should count my blessings (which I do) but the perfectionist in me will always pick at my flaws and wonder if things would be better if something was changed. Those who know me well, can see beyond my false front of confidence. They know that I sometimes run myself down and are always telling me to have more confidence. This is something that I have a tough time dealing with. I will always be my harshest critic.

Still, when I think about how I have such high expectations and yet I am unable to beat the competition, it depresses me. Before I've fought the battle, I know I have lost.

I look at her and I see how beautiful she is, and knowing she plays such a big role in your life, it makes me feel really ugly and insignificant in comparison. It's not that I'd ever try to replace her but knowing that those are the standards that exist, it makes the gap between me and her all that more greater.

And then, I look at the other her in my life and knowing how beautiful she is to others in general, I feel that fear growing inside of me: that you will see her and fall for her. Even knowing that she would never recipocrate the feelings because she would never do anything to hurt me isn't enough to make the sick feeling in my stomach go away.

These are the things that add to the growing chasm of insecurites within me. I am scared because I think I am like the proverbial toad lusting after the nightingale: I want more than I deserve. Even though I'm not good enough and you could do so much better, I still harbor that tiny sliver of hope that things could happen.

The realist in me of course, has stilled myself against expecting anything. But that doesn't stop the insecurities from writhing around my brain, mocking me with their sibilant tones.

posted at 4:59 PM

Passive-aggresive warfare pisses me off. I hate it when someone's a real bitch but doesn't have the guts to come out and say it to the person's face.

Three words,

Bite me, bitch.

posted at 7:23 PM

Man...

I just got back from something that was definitely an eye-opener and a new experience for me. It wasn't what I expected but the finale was mind-blowing.

Thank you, Japan!

And some final words...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHUAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you had fun. I'm quite sure you did. *wink*

posted at 2:08 AM

Out the door
Just in time
Head down the 405
Gotta meet the new boss by 8 am
The phone rings in the car
The wife is workin hard
She runnin late tonight again

Well I know what I’ve been told
U gotta work to feed the soul
But I can’t do this all on my own
No I knowI’m no superman
I’m no superman

And you've got your love online
U think you're doin fine
But you’re just plugged into the wall
And that deck of tarot cards
Won’t get u very far
There ain't no hand to break your fall

Well I know what I've been told
U gotta know just when to fold,
But I can’t do this all on my own
No I know
I’m no supermanI
’m no superman

You’ve crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all?
I need u here with me
Cause love is all we need,
Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall

Well I know what I’ve been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can’t do this all on my own
No I can’t do this all on my own
No I know
That I'm no Superman
I’m no superman
I’m no superman
(Some day well be together)
I’m no superman(Some day)
(Someday well be together)
(Someday)
I’m no superman

-"Superman" (Laslo Banes)

Right now, I can safely say that I really envy the people who are fortunate to have someone special to lean on. When I started this semester, I knew that it was going to be tough and being on my own, would make things a little harder. I did my best and tried to suck it up; waking up each day and not letting myself sink into any semblance of pathetic weakness. It worked most days. Right now, what I really need is for someone to just give me a really big hug and just let me pretend everything is ok. But wishes are just that - they don't happen just because you want them to.

So, I guess, no matter how hard it is, I'm going to have to fight for that second wind and pick myself up; a little more battered, a little more scarred but the important thing is that I keep moving on.

For the people who are lucky enough to have someone special: you really need to treasure that person. You have no idea how precious they are till you're standing out there in the cold alone, reaching out for a hand to hold, and knowing that no one is around.

posted at 2:27 AM

Oh, well imagine
As I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor
And I can't help but to hear
No, I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words
"What a beautiful wedding
What a beautiful wedding,"
says a bridesmaid to a waiter
And, yes, but what a shame
What a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore."
I chime in with a
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
with a sense of poise and rationality
I chime in
Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
with a sense of
Oh, well in fact
Well I'll look at it this way
I mean, technically, our marriage is saved
Well this calls for a toast
So pour the champagne
Oh, well in fact
Well I'll look at it this way
I mean, technically, our marriage is saved
Well this calls for a toast
So pour the champagne, pour the champagne
I chime in with a
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?
"No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
with a sense of poise and rationality
I chime in
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
with a sense of poise and rationality
Again
I chime in
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
with a sense of poise and rationality
I chime in
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
with a sense of poise and rationality
Again

-"I write sins not tragedies" (Panic at the Disco)

As I sit here writing this, my life is falling apart, little piece by little piece. It's nothing major but the little pieces are starting to show in the huge gaps that make up my life. I'm scared because I don't know how things got to be so bad. When did my life start to disintegrate before me like this?

I've been so busy, I didn't notice that I was falling apart and now I'm fighting to pull what's left together to keep going. The insomnia is back with a vengeance; when I do fall asleep, the sun's normally already out. I'm so tired the rest of the day, I spend my waking hours just longing to go home and crawl in bed. I just want to hide in there forever, and not face the world. Because every second that ticks by, I'm afraid that another thing will go wrong.

At the assessor's earlier, I felt this growing sense of nausea and my head was pounding. Internally, I was just screaming and screaming. I just wanted to run into a wall.

With my friendships, I am wary that with the stress of things, one wrong word or action can change the dynamics of the relationship, and my biggest fear is that things will be changed forever and not for the better.

And I realised at the end of the day, I didn't want that apology from my friend. I just wanted things to be good again. Where other factors wouldn't come in and complicate our friendship. I want to be able to know things between us can be good again. I know I'm fighting for our friendship to be good but at this point, I don't know if distance is something that is needed to buffer this stressful time, or if I should try and spend more time with this person. I know that this person has the ability to upset me greatly. Because I do care deeply for this person. And sometimes, I know I do things that I wished I could have taken back. I just wish I could do something right to make things good. That's all.

With my family, it's a constant chore to pretend to be upbeat and say every week, that everything is ok. I don't want them to worry so I just say things are going swimmingly. On paper, things are. I'm studying the hardest I've ever and I'm on track. That's all they need to know.

With my personal life, I'm confused with what I want. My entire life, any prospects on this front have been wrought with disappointment. I'm wrestling with my feelings; wondering if I'm just at that stage in my life where I am getting needy and therefore, am just desperate for affection, or if I really do have feelings for the person. I just don't want to set myself up for further heartbreak and disappointment again. I don't even know if I'm pushing things a bit far or if I am at risk of making our friendship awkward. I know I'd rather keep the friendship than push for something more. But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't wish for more. I keep wanting and "expecting" more and when I don't get it, I am disappointed. But there's no one but myself to blame for wanting more.

With my spiritual life, I know that I've failed as a Christian. I've pushed GOD further down my list of priorities these past weeks and it's not a good feeling. I feel guilty. Watching the Da Vinci Code (despite it's anti-christian sentiments) made me think about how GOD has done so much for me, but I've turned my back on him, relying only on myself. All I know, is that I've sunk so deep and I just really need GOD to come into my life now and spark something inside me because I've been dying inside.

And physically, it's all manifesting in my system crashing. The lack of sleep, the loss of appetite, the constant feeling of numbness and cold. The increasing moments when my heartbeat accelerates for no reason. The churning in my stomach that makes me wish I could puke but I can't. The tension headaches that kill. The now routine crying in the shower.

In a sea of people, I'm still extremely lost and alone.

Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame

You say
One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love

We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it
Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light

We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head
Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it's all I got

We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One
One

-"One" (U2 & Mary J. Blige)

Sometimes it's not enough to want something so bad. No matter how much you want it and pray for it, you still can't get it. I don't want to hold on to a false hope but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it.

posted at 7:01 PM

I think "Sorry" is just five little letters, but it is the hardest thing to say. One of my greatest peeves is punctuality. I hate it when I tell someone to turn up at a certain time, and they arrive late. Today, I arrived at Crown extra early because I had the responsibility of collecting the tickets. When the appointed time came around, no one was there! I was so angry. But I decided to wait for awhile. After a ten minute grace-period, NO ONE had called or texted me to say that they would be late, which just compounded things further. So, I sent a text out asking where they were. One of them had the decency to call and apologize. The second person I called had surly undertones and didn't even apologize for being late.

Needless to say, by the time they arrived, I was feeling quite angry. It's one thing to be late, it's another to arrive and act as if nothing happened and it's your every right to be late. Look, I know delays happen and people get caught up on things but I think that COMMON DECENCY and COURTESY calls for you to call and apologize or if not, you apologize upon arrival, especially if you see that the person who has been waiting for you is clearly not happy.

I was civil enough to say thanks when I was given money for the tickets but I was boiling inside. I was going to introduce my friends to my other group of friends but upon receiving their tickets, they just walked off without a word. Do you know how irritated that made me feel? Suddenly, I didnt' feel like a friend. I felt like I was just a ticket buying service. It just felt wrong and upset me. After the movie, they left without saying bye. But they happened to see me while they were walking away and waved bye. Let's just say that by then, I was incensed enough not to want to wave bye.

Maybe I'm petty but I think that a simple 'sorry' for being late is not a hardship. But you refused to even offer that basic courtesy. I just felt really upset about that. Honestly. I was initially going to tell you that but I was adviced not to make a big deal out of it. So I'm not going to do it. I won't make you say 'sorry' if you don't feel the need to. Because there is no point. If you do feel like saying it, the ball's in your court. It really does not matter anymore. At the end of the day, there is just so much I can take.

I'm sorry if you had a bad day but don't take it out on me because I wouldn't know if you had a bad day or not. I'm not clairvoyant and you didn't tell me or explain to me. All I can say is, nobody likes to be taken for granted. I don't want to fight with you over this. Although, lately, I've begun to feel that it's the little things that have been chipping away at the edges and I don't know how it got this way. I'd like to think that our friendship is not going to fall apart over this. But I don't have the answer. It takes two hands to clap and I can only leave it in your hands now. I just wish we could clear the air once and for all.

The evening wasn't all bad. Sami and I actually got to spend some quality time together. I did get lost coming out of the Crown Carpark but I found my way and we went down to Notturno's for a late dinner and some good D&M.

But the worst was yet to come...

Standing out there in the rain, I couldn't feel the cold and I just felt so bad. Whatever happened earlier in the evening was forgotten. It was just insignificant in comparison. My stomach churned and I could feel my heart beating really fast. At the police station, it was warm and toasty, but nothing was getting through my numbness. I could hear myself talk but I was far, far away.

Even Sami's hug didn't bring me much comfort. A million worries were just racing through my mind. It was just horrid. I was so scared my hands were icy. Even Sami's hands weren't enough to thaw my hands out totally. On my way home, I was just so anxious and distracted that I lost my way (again!) but thankfully, I found my way home.

It's almost four in the morning and I just got home. I'm tired and I have uni tomorrow but I don't think I can sleep. I worry that we're not going to be friends anymore. But I know I won't back down because I think there are some things that have to be done a certain way. I worry about the terrible thing that happened and how I'm going to deal with it. I wonder who I can tell or if I should even tell anyone. And it all just adds to the stress of my upcoming exams and the other existing worries already swirling in my mind.

Help, God, I'm drowning.

posted at 3:27 AM

Bake of the Day: Corn and Paprika Muffins!!

You got me counting the seconds
It happens every time
I'm waiting for the moment
we can sit down and talk for a while
And every time that you're near me
my heart is running away
How can I tell you
when words don't come easy
and there is so much I'm trying to say

I wanna know that love will surround us
and you'll share it with me every day
Tell me you'll care for me now and forever
I'll give anything to hear you say that
I'm more than a friend

I'm gonna try in the future
not to live in the past
I guess that I was a dreamer
if I thought it could ever last
But every time that I see you
you bring me out in the sun
How can I hide it when we are together
I just know that you're the only one

I wanna know...
I wanna make you see everything
you are to me
Try to understand I wonder if you can
The love I have for you will always be true

"More Than A Friend"(MLTR)

I've found the song that sums up my life as the Un-Mary. Although I think I've stirred up a storm my raising this theory of Mary/Un-Mary with Nina. She's so obsessed with it now! I don't know why she finds it so fascinating though. It's something I've known for sometime, especially since I fall under the latter category.

Anyway, Wednesday May 17th is the day I mark as the day I'm done with assignments (for the semester)! I can now fall unconscious for more than my pithy four hours or less. Then, I have to get back to the serious preparation for exams. Eeks.

Still, to celebrate, I went into MUFFIN MANIA mode. Haha. I had dinner with Waiying, Chuan, Noel and Gene at Kayu in Boxhill. The Nasi Kandar is like the nasi padang in Singapore. The Roti there was by far the best I've tasted in Melbourne. *DROOL* Anyway, on the way back, I had this brilliant idea that Noel should come bake with me, which he did. But Waiying said I had to drive the muffins over to Chuan's after that. So demanding!

I baked 1.5 batches of Mississippi Mud Cupcakes and a batch of Corn & Paprika Muffins, of which most were taken kidnapped by Noel. We did a Muffin run to Yvie's & Cyn's, and to Nina and Sarah as well, before proceeding to Chuan's.

I must say, that Chuan is getting more demanding like Waiying. Despite me being so kind as to drive the muffins over, he still dare to ask why no carrot cake? When we got into the house, Waiying asked the same thing. Aiyoh. At least, Gene was just silly from a sugar high, and couldn't stop laughing like a maniac. It was a hysterical house that I left at two thirty this morning for home.

Oh, on a happier note, I'm watching Da Vinci Code on Sunday evening. With EIGHTEEN people. It's a combination of friends, which should prove interesting. I just bought the tickets on my credit card, so nobody better FFK me. *GLARE*
And now...blessed sleep!!!!

I believe
In the faithful and true
And I believe in silly things
Like everlasting love

Once again
You broke my heart (you once again with me)
Other days the pieces fell together again
But this time it's different
Cause today my heart is beyond repair
So it bleeds
Cause darling, you slipped away
Much too easy for me…

When the loneliness inside me
Turns to pain
I'll drink my heart to sleep
Just to see you once again

-"Let Me Die Young" (Taxiride)

I think failure is the most bitter pill to swallow. I've tried and I've tried; still, I fail miserably. I shouldn't even have to try. Things should fall into place if it's meant to be. I wish it could work out that way for me. Every step I've taken to improve myself; everything I've strived hard to master and perform with excellence: all just so I could shine in your eyes. None of it made a difference.

The constant praise from friends and acquaintances who tell me that whoever gets me is a lucky man but none from you. Not one word to acknowledge a single thing that I've strived so hard to achieve. All for what? Because a silly part of me thinks that if I can be the consummate home-maker, maybe you can look past my physical and character flaws, and notice me as more than just a friend.

I mock others for being so eager to please. What a hypocrite I am. How dare I judge others when I've been guilty of it all my life? This competitive drive? This need to do things for others? It's all just so I can 'prove' to myself that I'm needed, that I'm not nothing.

It's tiring sitting on the edge. Wondering when (or if) you'll ever notice me waiting on the sidelines. The foolishness of a naive heart that believes one day, he'll take his eyes off the headliner and notice the girl in the chorus line who's been kicking her highest and smiling her brightest; not for some movie star or millionaire but for the ordinary Joe who lights up her world.

Sometimes, I think not being a "Mary" can get painful. But we all have our roles to play in life and somehow, I just never could be a "Mary", no matter how much I want to.

posted at 1:19 AM

A Black Sweater (English Translation)

A black sweater
The memories of two people
After the rain has passed
It is even harder to forget
Forget that I still love you
You don’t have to mind
The tears only just happened to be falling
I was already waiting at the bottom of the valley long ago
I know I cannot keep you from leaving anymore
And I know I must have a backbone
I am thankful to you
For letting me possess the beauty of autumn
Watching that white dragonfly
In the air it forgets to go forward
Can I still
Reweave
The memories that are pilling in my mind
Say I love you again
Perhaps the rain won’t stop
The black sweater
Where is it hidden?
Then just let the memories stop there forever

-Jay Chou

Today was such a long day. I can't believe I'm still up. After a full morning of doing assignments and talking to my best friend, Estee, on the phone at the same time, I rushed off to uni for classes. Incidentally, Estee, if you are reading this, I hate you. How can you rub it in that you're watching sitcoms while I'm slogging away?!?!??!?! Ok, fine. I don't hate you. How can I hate you? You're too loveable. Teehee.

This week's MPS seminar was excruciatingly boring and the challenge to stay awake as I sit in the front row was extremely hard. I wish I could say that I went home after that and had a hot shower and fell into bed. Instead, I went to Alan Gilbert to meet Sami to do our assignment. Why do I have two assignments due on Friday????? ARGH!!!!!!!!!! Just walking to Alan Gilbert killed me. It was so freaking cold. I hate winter. I hate it, I hate it. By the time I got there, even the ample warmth of the building wasn't enough to thaw me out.

Fortunately for me, the perpetual cold hands-sufferer, I have found something better than a space heater - body heat! Specifically, Sami's hands are soooooo warm AND he's kind enough to lend them to me so I can thaw my hands out. *LOL* I know, it's terrible of me to exploit my friends but I figure it's a fair trade. I let Sami call me a 'control freak' and he can be kind enough to thaw my hands out for me. Ok, I'm sounding a bit illogical here but forgive me, when it comes to rational coherent thought, there's only one expression left for it: "Elvis has left the building..."

Still, the important part is that we got our part done! Yay! AND IT'S NO THANKS TO A CERTAIN WANKER WHO HAS DONE NOTHING EVENTHOUGH IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A TEAM EFFORT! Hopefully, Piotr won't need much help piece-ing it together and we can hand it in on Friday with minimal trouble. Now, I just need to focus on my MM assignment. Oh dear sweet GOD, I really need a miracle to pull this through. I don't want to fail this assignment.

I've been so wigged out that I made carrot cake cupcakes in the shape of hearts when I got home. Unfortunately, they didn't come out as good as they normally do. How could I put not enough sugar in them? Damn it! Still, at least the flowers on them are pretty, I guess. *SIGH*

Ooooh...An aside! I saw Jay with her boyfriend at safeway before. Hmmm...he seemed nice if vanilla. Ok, I know it's mean to say but it's true! And hey, vanilla can be nice. Whatever rings your bell huh? It did get me thinking about what's going to happen when Jay goes back for good at the end of this semester. They met in a rather romantic manner, so let's hope there's a romantic ending. LDR are really hard. I should know.

Now, if I can drum up the courage to pick up the phone, call him and actually talk to him, I'd be good. But I can't. I know it's the polite thing to do. Even my mum tells me it is the right thing to do. But I just can't. It scares me too much. It's been over a year. I've finally started to get the hang of not holding on and I'm terrified that just hearing him say "Hello?" will be enough to make the fragile pillars I've put up to help me go on, collapse. I think maybe even if he wasn't perfect in reality, he's been immortalized as perfect - THE one - in my mind. It'd be hard for anyone else to measure up.

As they say, you'll never stop loving the first.

posted at 2:22 AM

-English Translation-

The moon like a wolf's fang
She is languished
I raise my cup
Drinking all the wind and snow
Who overthrew the previous life cabinet?
Provoking dust and gossip
The word formula of fate
Reincarnating a few times
You frown
Crying that your young beauty cannot be called back
Even if the annuals of history have already become ash
My love won’t be extinguished
Flourishing like three thousand waters flowing east
I only take one ladle of love to understand
Only loving the butterfly you incarnated into
Your hair is like snow
Leaving sadly but beautifully
Who is moved by my burning incense?
Inviting the bright moon
Making memories clear and bright
Love is perfected under the moonlight
Your hair is like snow
Fluttering tears
Who has become old by my waiting?
The mundane world is intoxicated
The years of being slightly drunken
I use no regrets
To carve a stone tablet for my eternal love for you
La er la
La er la
La er la er la
La er la
La er la
La er la er ah
The bronze mirror reflects no evils
Tie a ponytail
If you are wild
This lifetime I fill a wine cup to accompany you

-"Fa Ru Xue" (Jay Chou)

This is my favorite Jay Chou song. I listen to it all the time in the car. It's perfect especially when I'm driving home late at night, which is most of the time. The MV for this song is ab fab. So in love with it and by extension, Manchuria (because the place looks like the set for this song!) I'm in such a maudlin mood.

The reality of examinations has hit me early this year. I had my first anxiety attack in marketing management seminar today. *OMG*

posted at 9:07 PM

i come to your town
like thirsty lips to a cup
i come to your town
and i wanna call you up
i don't know how i feel
but i hope you feel the same
i've broken every speed limit in your name
sometimes i just wanna bury my head in a hole
tell me do you have the kind of touch that can console
i wanna hold my hands over my eyes during the scary scenes
will you stay with me at night and stand guard over my dreams
will you stand guard over my dreams
you feel like you're out on a long limb
like you've risked it all
but i'll go out there with you
and when the bough breaks
the cradle will just fall
i'd rather go down knowing what it was like
than to keep myself company
one more night
one more night
and i've got something new
something i didn't have before
you were a big dark room
a room without a door
if you will shelter me
i will fill your vacancy
we don't even need the walls, the ceiling, or the floor
and i've got something for you too
something you probably don't need
you can buy it for the pictures, baby
find out its a real good read
i just hope you still want it
cause i'm bringing it to you
i'm gonna come to your town
i'm gonna call you up
then i don't know what i'm gonna do
you feel like you're out on a long limb
like you've risked it all
and if the bough breaks
the cradle will just fall
i'd rather go down knowing what it was like
than to keep myself company
one more night
one more night
i come to your town
like thirsty lips to a cup
i come to your town
and i'm gonna call you up
i don't know how you feel
but i hope you feel the same
i've broken every speed limit in your name
and sometimes i just wanna bury my head in a hole
tell me do you have the kind of touch that can console
i wanna hold my hands over my eyes during the scary scenes
tell me will you stay with me at night and stand guard over my dreams
will you stand guard over my dreams
will you stand guard over my dreams....

-"One More Night" (Ani DeFranco)

In the midst of a dream, my subconscious mind made me reach out for you. Only when I wake up in the cold once again, do I realise that you left a long time ago.

posted at 11:15 AM

It's been awhile since I've put up pictures. So here's one of me. (I know it's a bad one...) This is basically me after I had my hair cut. Of course, this is me with my hair all nicely styled by the hairdresser.

I caught up with Nina and Sarah for dinner today. I was in need of a pick-me-up, so I decided to go for a drink and dragged Nina, Sarah and Siew with me. Of course, Sarah being Tenessee the dry state, didn't drink. Nina and I are both Louisiana, the perpetually un-dry state. Hee hee. The jury is still out on Siew. Anyway, we went to this really cool bar that reminds me of Jay Chou's "HAIR LIKE SNOW" mtv. So cool. It's called Manchuria. I found out about the place thanks to Cynthia and Yvie who brought me there on Thursday.

This is Nina and I enjoying our South Shoreditch Sling(s). Notice my new hair without the hairstyling. Yes, I know my eye circles are bad. That is what a lack of sleep and food do to you.
This is Siew who ordered the same thing and Sarah pretending to be drinking. Haha.

Yvie and Cynthia! This isn't the most flattering picture I have of them. They look much better in person. But it's the only half-decent picture I have of them. So here you go...Pictures of my older sisters-cum-Mommies. :)

posted at 12:54 AM

I've had a pretty hard time this semester thus far, but the journey has been all that less tough because I have friends who have lent me their support and given me their love in times when I've really needed it. I may not actually see my friends 24/7 because we've all been busy with our own things but when I needed I was at my lowest, God has sent them my way to show me that it's not that bad.

So, I guess this entry is about how blessed I've been and to say thank you to the people who have given me the motivation to pick myself up when I fall down.

My heartfelt thanks to (in no particular order):

1) Waiying because eventhough she's busy with assignments, she took time out to cheer me up in the middle of the night and following that,

2) Chuan who offered to come over and fix my lightbulb and did it the very same day and drove me to watch a movie.

3) Eric because eventhough he took the longest time to fix my lightbulb, he redeemed himself by fixing the second bulb that blew and washing my car for me today despite the freezing weather!

4) Janice because her sweet smile and hugs always makes me feel loved and for her 'pedantic' cleaning of my car's interior

5) Yong for lending a shoulder to cry despite the late hour and the fact that he had his own problems to deal with

6) Noel for caring enough to ask if I'm ok

7) Cynthia for cracking me up and making me go out so I don't turn into a total hermit and for the lovely food (And also for nagging me to eat properly)

8) Yvie for her all good advice and support, and for calling me for coffees or little breaks constantly (and for the constant concern about my sleeplessness)

9) Estee my best friend who is half the world away but still encourages me to be strong and leave everything to GOD

10) Sami who once I start talking to, I can't stop. Just hearing him say 'hellooooo' is enough to put a smile on my face. Also because he's been so nice about my tardiness in producing my part of the assignment

11) My coursemates who just make me feel that I belong

12) Amelia who is the sweetest girl ever and I'm so glad that I have an 'older sister' like her in my life

13) Joanne Khoo who askes me if I am ok after reading my blog

14) Ann who always compliments me eventhough I don't always think that the compliments are justified and who always has such a warm hug for me

15) Nina who tries so hard to be a good friend to me and always has words of encouragement (and Sarah and Siew too)

16) Fern for msn-ing me every once in awhile

17) Corn for all the pretty frequent phone calls he makes which goes on for hours and often consists of me ranting and bitching

And all the other people who have made an impression in my life and touched my heart. If I don't say thank you or seem to acknowledge, it doesn't mean I don't appreciate your kindness because I do deeply.