I believe
In the faithful and true
And I believe in silly things
Like everlasting love
Once again
You broke my heart (you once again with me)
Other days the pieces fell together again
But this time it's different
Cause today my heart is beyond repair
So it bleeds
Cause darling, you slipped away
Much too easy for me…
When the loneliness inside me
Turns to pain
I'll drink my heart to sleep
Just to see you once again
-"Let Me Die Young" (Taxiride)I think failure is the most bitter pill to swallow. I've tried and I've tried; still, I fail miserably. I shouldn't even have to try. Things should fall into place if it's meant to be. I wish it could work out that way for me. Every step I've taken to improve myself; everything I've strived hard to master and perform with excellence: all just so I could shine in your eyes. None of it made a difference.
The constant praise from friends and acquaintances who tell me that whoever gets me is a lucky man but none from you. Not one word to acknowledge a single thing that I've strived so hard to achieve. All for what? Because a silly part of me thinks that if I can be the consummate home-maker, maybe you can look past my physical and character flaws, and notice me as more than just a friend.
I mock others for being so eager to please. What a hypocrite I am. How dare I judge others when I've been guilty of it all my life? This competitive drive? This need to do things for others? It's all just so I can 'prove' to myself that I'm needed, that I'm not nothing.
It's tiring sitting on the edge. Wondering when (or if) you'll ever notice me waiting on the sidelines. The foolishness of a naive heart that believes one day, he'll take his eyes off the headliner and notice the girl in the chorus line who's been kicking her highest and smiling her brightest; not for some movie star or millionaire but for the ordinary Joe who lights up her world.
Sometimes, I think not being a "Mary" can get painful. But we all have our roles to play in life and somehow, I just never could be a "Mary", no matter how much I want to.
