I think "Sorry" is just five little letters, but it is the hardest thing to say. One of my greatest peeves is punctuality. I hate it when I tell someone to turn up at a certain time, and they arrive late. Today, I arrived at Crown extra early because I had the responsibility of collecting the tickets. When the appointed time came around, no one was there! I was so angry. But I decided to wait for awhile. After a ten minute grace-period, NO ONE had called or texted me to say that they would be late, which just compounded things further. So, I sent a text out asking where they were. One of them had the decency to call and apologize. The second person I called had surly undertones and didn't even apologize for being late.

Needless to say, by the time they arrived, I was feeling quite angry. It's one thing to be late, it's another to arrive and act as if nothing happened and it's your every right to be late. Look, I know delays happen and people get caught up on things but I think that COMMON DECENCY and COURTESY calls for you to call and apologize or if not, you apologize upon arrival, especially if you see that the person who has been waiting for you is clearly not happy.

I was civil enough to say thanks when I was given money for the tickets but I was boiling inside. I was going to introduce my friends to my other group of friends but upon receiving their tickets, they just walked off without a word. Do you know how irritated that made me feel? Suddenly, I didnt' feel like a friend. I felt like I was just a ticket buying service. It just felt wrong and upset me. After the movie, they left without saying bye. But they happened to see me while they were walking away and waved bye. Let's just say that by then, I was incensed enough not to want to wave bye.

Maybe I'm petty but I think that a simple 'sorry' for being late is not a hardship. But you refused to even offer that basic courtesy. I just felt really upset about that. Honestly. I was initially going to tell you that but I was adviced not to make a big deal out of it. So I'm not going to do it. I won't make you say 'sorry' if you don't feel the need to. Because there is no point. If you do feel like saying it, the ball's in your court. It really does not matter anymore. At the end of the day, there is just so much I can take.

I'm sorry if you had a bad day but don't take it out on me because I wouldn't know if you had a bad day or not. I'm not clairvoyant and you didn't tell me or explain to me. All I can say is, nobody likes to be taken for granted. I don't want to fight with you over this. Although, lately, I've begun to feel that it's the little things that have been chipping away at the edges and I don't know how it got this way. I'd like to think that our friendship is not going to fall apart over this. But I don't have the answer. It takes two hands to clap and I can only leave it in your hands now. I just wish we could clear the air once and for all.

The evening wasn't all bad. Sami and I actually got to spend some quality time together. I did get lost coming out of the Crown Carpark but I found my way and we went down to Notturno's for a late dinner and some good D&M.

But the worst was yet to come...

Standing out there in the rain, I couldn't feel the cold and I just felt so bad. Whatever happened earlier in the evening was forgotten. It was just insignificant in comparison. My stomach churned and I could feel my heart beating really fast. At the police station, it was warm and toasty, but nothing was getting through my numbness. I could hear myself talk but I was far, far away.

Even Sami's hug didn't bring me much comfort. A million worries were just racing through my mind. It was just horrid. I was so scared my hands were icy. Even Sami's hands weren't enough to thaw my hands out totally. On my way home, I was just so anxious and distracted that I lost my way (again!) but thankfully, I found my way home.

It's almost four in the morning and I just got home. I'm tired and I have uni tomorrow but I don't think I can sleep. I worry that we're not going to be friends anymore. But I know I won't back down because I think there are some things that have to be done a certain way. I worry about the terrible thing that happened and how I'm going to deal with it. I wonder who I can tell or if I should even tell anyone. And it all just adds to the stress of my upcoming exams and the other existing worries already swirling in my mind.

Help, God, I'm drowning.