Happy 21st B'Day, Jan-Jan!!!!!!

My darling Jan-Jan turned 21 on 22 November. To celebrate, she had an awesome Mexican bbq with loads of good food and alcohol. Hmmm...


I have no idea why Eric looks so serious...

Sitting at the boozy table...

The beautiful cake(s)...Cool, there's a face cake!

Wishing upon balloons...

The birthday girl and I... or is it my fiancee and I? I asked Jan-Jan to marry me and she said yes. Haha. Nah...just kidding. I bought her a gorgeous ring for her birthday.

The Random Out-takes : Silly Mexican Hats

Oversized egos and hence, large heads or farmers from the rice-fields?

Mark's impression of a...gerbil????

Janice and I wanted to try out being padi farmers...

I decided I'd rather be a lady from the past and wear a bonnet instead...

Janice thought it was a good idea too...

You’ve been silent lately
What happened? Why?
Is there something that’s making you not happy?
I heard that lately you’ve been feeling lonely
A little distracted, a little confused.
But I can’t be by your side

Love is what you want…
But I can’t my all to you
What I can give…
Isn’t what you want
We’re not suited but we refuse to give up
How many times have we hugged each other
Fighting the tears?

We’ve tried making excuses that it’s always
Hard in the beginning
But I believe it was never meant to be before
It even started
I don’t want to continue like this or hurt anymore
Someday the path of love will be better traveled

-"Lately" (Sam Lee)

I've been feeling really low lately and Fern actually sent me a song that pretty much describes what I feel. It's not exactly the same but the feelings are there...

I have been struggling to fill my time since exams ended. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the leisure time, I just can't sit still for the life of me. So Sunday night, I was bored and decided to start cooking.

One sleepless night ended in this...

I made (from top; left to right) Nashi Pear Sweet Soup, Bread and Butter Pudding, Mississippi Mud Bear Cake, Beef straganoff, Chicken-flavoured rice, Chicken Meatball Stew, Black Pepper Beef Pie, Chicken Chinese Dumplings, Herbal Chicken and, Pumpkin, Pinenuts and Mushroom Risotto.

Here's the lucky person who got all the food. Sandeep got greedy and polished off one of the bread and butter puddings and decided to try the meatball stew before he got home.

And here's one of Sandeep's talents...Taking self-portraits. OMG...my face is massive. Eeks.

I hung out at Sandeep's for awhile taking in the sun. He's got a massive backyard. Hmmm... But then he still had to study, so I went home. I needed to start cooking for my dinner with Sami, anyway. Sami decided to come visit "His" couch because he was convinced I wasn't treating it right...

On my way back driving on Sydney Road, I saw three accidents. It caused a bit of traffic jam so I didn't really have much time to cook. Thank God Sami is serially late. Anyway, I made him Hainanese Chicken Rice. Don't you love the faux-Japanese place setting though?

And here's me and Sami testing the self-timer on my camera. It took me ages to figure out. I know, I'm an idiot.

Anyway, Sami and I had an awesome night. We watched some tv, walked around the city and saw the Wombat Divine display at Myer's. Then, we went back home, vegetated on "our" couch and watched Sex & the City till 1.30a.m. It was really good. At some point, I got so comfy that I fell asleep on Sami for awhile. Haha.

And I'm so proud of myself. I drove Sami home without getting lost. So there, Sami! *sticks tongue out*

New Sunnies

The weather has been odd in Melbie. It was really cold a couple of days ago but thankfully, we're now back to proper summer weather. To celebrate, I bought myself a new pair of sunnies. (All THANKS to YVIE who had a 30% off voucher that enabled me to buy my Versaces...) Well, I bought a new outfit from Sportsgirl as well (Cream top and Taupe shorts and a red hairband) and diamante ribbon hairclips from Alannah Hill. It's been an expensive day...

Well, sometimes retail therapy is what a girl needs to get over a broken heart.

I was believing in you
Am I mistaken
Do you say, Do you say what you mean
I want our love to last forever

Well I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby dont you break my heart slow

You would run around and lead me on forever
While I wait at home thinking that we're together
I wanted our love to last forever

I need you now more than ever. I need for you to be strong for me: to give me your shoulder to cry on. But I'd never tell you because I never want you to be obliged. I want you to love me the way I love you. But I will never force you to. I want to tell you but pride will never let me show you the emotional wreck that I am. I wish you could see. See inside my heart.

I want more from you but I need you to give of your own accord.

Today...

You saw my face crumble up
and the tears leaking out my eyes
You laughed and thought I was joking
But the pain was real

Not for the reasons I told you
But for the deep wounds within my heart
I lied to cover up my vulnerability
And now you think everything's ok

It's not...

I thought I could be strong and
Play the player's game with you
It seems like I'm winning but
I'm losing it inside

It's not the first time and it
Won't be the last...
I wish you could (would) offer more
Not all, just a little bit more

Love me a litte more
Show you care that bit more
Can you ever love me the way
That I deserve to be loved

When you can't eat or sleep...there's always baking.

I baked a batch of White Chocolate Chip Cookies. It's a new recipe.

And knowing someone's penchant for sweet things...(AND someone's selfish greedy nature. *LOL*) I made a giant cookie just for someone...

Here's a picture of it compared with a giant stapler, so you can ascertain the size. The plate is the size of a dinner plate....

Oh, gawd...I need some sleeping pills.

Thou shalt not over-imbibe vodka, especially crappy tasting SKYY Vodka.

It's been ages since I've had a big night out. The days of opening bottles at clubs seem like a distant memory, heralding back to my undergraduate days. In any case, last night sparked a revival in which a bunch of friends and I had a table at Beach Club (I know, I know...what were we thinking?) and a bottle of SKYY and a bottle of CHIVAS.

I only had about a glass or so of CHIVAS in all. Being a dance maniac and the fact that half-decent music was playing on the dance floor, I was pretty much subjecting alot of unfortunate people to my version of dancing i.e. manic gyrating. By the time I got back to the table, the CHIVAS was pretty much gone (the bastards...but you have to grant that they have good taste) so I pretty much had to stick with the SKYY which was pretty damn nasty.

In any case, I definitely got my money's worth with all the SKYY-chugging I did. As testament to the fact, I did have a little trouble negotiating the stairs down the entrance of the club and I did fall out of Steve's car. In my defence, I didn't realise that Steve's Audi TT had a low suspension and so I miscalculated the distance getting out of the car. I mean, seriously, nobody would actually want to fall out of the car unless it was an accident.

All in all, it was fun. For one night, nothing else mattered but having fun in the present.

Mistakes happen.

Sometimes we mistake self-control for a lack of interest and plunge ourselves into bouts of misery. All for nothing.

Never underestimate the power of temptation. Half the fun is in breaking the rules.

I've learnt that it's best not to tell me that I can't have something. It brings out the wilful streak in me; my mild interest turns into obsession and I'm all but consumed by a need to "command and conquer".

Even the sweetest thing can be anything but nice...Black as sin, just as sweet.

the rules of the game are...there are none. to the victor be the spoils.

I know that these feelings won’t end .
They’ll just get stronger if I see you again.
Baby I’m tired of being friends.
I wanna know if you feel the same
And could you tell me do you feel my pain?
Don’t leave me in doubt.

Patience is a game,
and every night I say your name,
Hoping that you'll answer
'cause I'm going insane.
It's quite along time ago ,
You brought me out of control,
Hungry for your love and
like I know what that might be

Teasing was the thing and now
I just can't let it go
meeting you was something
no-one else needs to know
I guess I'm thinking of you,
like I would know what to do
when I found you,
but I don't have got no clue

It doesn't matter anymore. Whatever I do will never be enough.

Today I sat in the darkness, the silence drowning me. With the tears pouring down my face, I knew that it's breaking me.

Life changes and new leaps are made in evolution everyday.

You've taught me that in Life, there are just too many things that we can't plan for. One chance encounter, and the resulting events have blown my carefully-planned schedule to smithereens. No order, no idea. Just seizing the opportunity when it comes along.

One decision that changed my life and suddenly, there are people in my life that I would never have met otherwise. I've met some really good people and made some fantastic friends. My life is full...but I've never felt so alone.

You once told me that you can't deal with tears. That if you were to cause a girl to cry, you would walk away. I bit my tongue till it bled; wondering how I should tell you that you've already made me cry.

At the end of the day, you can wait for someone to realise that they're in love but you got to decide if that person is worth waiting for.

Dear Friend, (and I really stress the word FRIEND)

I've never met such a contradiction of a wussy-cum-chauvinist. Honestly, your arrogance and selfishness is unrivalled but yet at the same time, you have the most issues I've ever seen anyone have. Let's be honest here. You do truly deserve the title of "Mr MindF*cked".

In the beginning, it seemed that I would be the one that would bog this arrangement down with my emotional issues. In an interesting twist, all the "conversations" we've had have been initiated by you. Distrust much?

Then again, I am emotionally-stunted...But it is still vastly amusing to me that all the problems we're having is on your side and not mine. It's oddly...empowering.

As much as you hate to admit it, I'm getting under your skin. You can be arrogant and lie to cover up your weakness by saying that you're just distrustful but sweetie, let me tell you, I'm getting to you emotionally.

*SMIRK*

And the winner of the playing the player's game contest is...Me.

What Else is There?

It was me on that road
But you couldn't see me
Too many lights out,
but nowhere near here

It was me on that road
Still you couldn't see me
And then flashlights and explosions

Roads end getting nearer
We cover distance but not together

I am the storm I am the wonder
And the flashlights nightmares
And sudden explosions
I don't know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

It's about you and the sun
A morning run
The story of my maker
What I have and what I ache for

I've got a golden ear
I cut and I spear
And what else is there
Roads and getting nearer
We cover distance still not together

If I am the storm if I am the wonder
Will I have a flashlights nightmares
And sudden explosions

There's no room where I can go and
You've got secrets too

I don't know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

Joaquin Miller once said, "That Man Who Lives For Self Alone, Lives For The Meanest Mortal Known".

I'm boggled by the complexity and contradiction that is you. But what continues to amaze me is how selfish and stubborn you can be.

I truly wonder how you could let selfishness blind you to the point that you would shut out any chance of true happiness just because you say you don't want to.

And on the other hand, how insulting are you being to me? Your actions and your words just tell me that you don't trust me and that you don't think I'm good enough.

I know I have issues. But I think I've found someone who's more mind-f*cked than me.