I have six more months to lead the responsibility-free life... my life as a student is coming to an end. As I reach this crossroads, I cannot help but feel a little sense of apprehension and fear of having to face the "real world". The corporate rat race always loomed in the distance, too far away for serious consideration. Now, I stand at the edge of it, one foot on the starting line.

I feel tired of the emotional roller coaster that I have been put through for the past year or so and now, I refuse to feel anymore. I think that when I went home, I chose to take all the emotional, feely bits around me and stuff it back in. I zipped it all in and threw away the key. Effectively, I went home and killed my emotions, or rather, my ability to feel beyond a certain magnitude. I have chosen to follow the philosophy of "not sweating the small stuff". Whether it is healthy or not, I feel very happy to not feel anything. (Excuse the irony.)

This semester's theme is Good Charlotte's "Dance Floor Anthem" because that's how I feel: I don't wanna be in love; with anyone at all. I just want to live life the way it is and not get entangled in any emotional traps.

Dance Floor Anthem

She’s going out to forget they were together
All that time he was taking her for granted
She wants to see if there’s more
than he gave she’s looking for

He calls her up
He’s trippin' on the phone now
He doesn’t want her out there
And alone now
He knows she’s movin' it
Knows she’s using it
Now he’s losing it
She don’t care

Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
feel the beat now
If you’ve got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Back it up now
You’ve got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love

To the beat (x3)
You got nothing to lose
Don’t be afraid to get down

We break up
It’s something that we do now
Everyone has got to do it sometime
It’s okay, let it go
Get out there and find someone

It’s too late to be trippin' on the phone here
Get off the wire
You know everything is good here
Stop what you’re doin'
You don’t wanna ruin
The chance that you got to
find a new one

I'm TICKLED with BLACKLE

Energy conservation just got sexy!

Google has been doing their part to conserve energy with the launch of www.blackle.com - a black screened-version of their search engine which uses less energy than the original white screened-version.

It's tres sexy yet ecological. Ohh la la!

Goodbye is Hard To Say

One of the hardest things we learn to do as we grow up is to learn how to say goodbye. Given that the world is growing smaller each day, distance is becoming less of an issue in today's world but it still does not make it easy to say goodbye to a friend who is going home for good.

Throughout this winter vacation, I've been filled with a sense of sadness. I couldn't understand why I felt that way given that I got to go home to my family in sunny Singapore. The feeling only intensified during my last week home.

I flew back to Melbourne last Monday in time to say goodbye to one of my dearest friends, Sami, on Thursday. I was lucky in being able to spend Sami's last night in Melbourne indulging in one of our favorite activities, watching DVDs and lying on "our" couch. I was tearing a little while we watched "Scrubs" but I had no inkling of much I was going to miss Sami, who had in 1.5 years had grown really dear to me. It's hard to live overseas away from your family. In such situations, you depend more on your friends and in Sami's case, he was like my family here in Melbourne.

So, I drove Sami to the airport three hours before his flight departed and spent two hours wandering the airport aimlessly with him. I guess Sami hates saying bye as well because he chose to walk me to the car rather than say goodbye at the departure gates.

I've always prided myself on being a person who is able to hide any sign of emotional display from the public eye as I believe it strongly to be a sign of weakness. Guess my pride was on holiday that afternoon when I had a complete breakdown and cried my eyes out when I had to say goodbye to Sami. I cried saying goodbye, cried on the drive home, cried while I was pumping gas and paying for it and cried off-and-on for the rest of the night.

Needless to say, all that crying didn't do much for my eyes or my physical or emotional state. I didn't believe it was possible till it happened to me but I must have over-exerted myself with the crying and actually managed to cry myself sick.

So thanks to my foolishness, I've been burning up with fever and have had a wrecking cough and inflamed sinuses since Thursday. I've been so sick, I've been unable to get out of bed or actually summon the strength to go get some groceries.

Thankfully, a friend of mine has been kind enough to worry about me and he has been a real saint in bringing me medication and porridge because he worries about me not eating all day. He even calls me in the morning to check on me and bought me groceries. In normal circumstances, my pride wouldn't let me impose on someone like that but I'm honestly very grateful that Cornelius has been so kind to me.

The Imelda Hilton Life

Life back home is so different from life in my other adopted home. Here, I have my every whim catered for and the only worry I have is how to occupy my time. My days are spent in leisure: going to the gym three times a week, getting weekly facials and going for manicures/pedicures. Time in between I spend shopping, having tea or going to lunch/dinner. It sounds great but it gets boring incredibly quickly.

I have gotten so lazy here. The weather is extremely hot and humid and my fundamental laziness and intolerance of heat means that I will not go anywhere unless I drive or get chauffeured. A typical day for me is spent waking up past noon, going to lunch, coming home, watching cable and napping. I would make a cat proud with my sedentary lifestyle.

On the other hand, I've had time to develop the Imelda Hilton Lifestyle Concept. Haha.

I miss Melbie and all my darlings there. *SIGH*