Everyday I sit here waiting
Everyday just seems so long
And now I've had enough of all the hating
Do we even care, it's so unfair
Any day it'll all be over
Any day there's nothing new
And I just try to find some hope
To try to hold onto
Then it starts again

It'll never end
I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do

Almost giving up on trying
Almost heading for a fall
And now my mind is screaming out
I've gotta keep on fighting
Feels like I'm drowning I'm screaming for air
Louder I'm crying And you don't even care

I realise that it does not really take much to cross the fine line from happiness to sadness. Maybe it's the weariness building up inside of me but the good day I had today, evaporated quickly as night fell. The lightness I felt in having a day off from work was rapidly replaced by a heavy feeling that weighed down my heart.

Having a chai with Yvie; going in to my old workplace to have a chat with Garth; lepak-ing with Jo and her sis, Mary...they all created an intense bundle of joy within me. But all so quickly, the feelings dissipated.

And I marvel at how easily I can get depressed. Feeling crap about an academic report marked low; the exhaustion in dealing with group mates who do not contribute; juggling a happy work environment with office politics and muddling through the sad state of affairs that is my personal life.

I need someone to hold onto when the goes gets tough. But I've just reached the stage where for once, alone does not equate lonely for me. I'm reading "Captivating", a spiritual book for women, that I borrowed from Tsih Ern. I think in the process of reading, I just become more aware of the heartache and difficulties of struggling to be a female in the modern world. What was supposed to make me feel better has me struggling to breathe.

Maybe I just need sleep.