I fight my demons everyday
They come and go they up and flow
Like the ocean
You think you know me and you know me
But you dont know
How scared I am
So I like to make excuses, and I like to blame everyone else
And I like to point my finger at you
Rather then change myself
It's just each day goes by so fast
I cant seem to grasp them
And I tend to run away from my reflection
You see I am, so petrified, to be god-like
So I like to make excuses
And I like to blame everyone else
And I like to point my finger at you, rather then change myself
Ha-ah, ha-ah...So I like to make excuses
And I like to blame everyone else
And I like to point my finger at you
Rather then change myself
So I like to make excuses
And I like to blame everyone else
And I like to point my finger at you
Rather then change myself

-"Petrified to be God-like"(Susie Suh)

I hate it when my insecurities rears its ugly head. But there are times when I feel that maybe these fears aren't unfounded. When the evidence hits you smack in the face, do you take the higher road and try to be gracious? Do you lie to yourself and pretend that it's not what you think it is and make like it's all ok?

The biggest struggle I face is to swallow the initial feelings of hurt that I feel. To rearrange my face so that I'm not such an open book. Because I don't want to fall into self-pity mode. Maybe in the past, I've been too sensitive and so you take pains to hide from me what you are doing. But I get it. I can't expect to be included in everything. Of course it will always hurt when you find out something like that but how you deal with it, makes a big difference.

So maybe sometimes I feel like I don't belong. But I guess, I gotta learn how to stop letting it show.