You only ever get to see a SMALL part of who I really am. Who I really am, it takes time to really get to know. I never ever show my whole self to anyone. The only person who really knows who I am is GOD. I admit that most of the time, what the world sees is a facade. Because there is something in me who is afraid to show all of me. This blog...it only reveals a part of me that I am willing to show, one facade in a myriad of others.

I may not have mentioned it before but here is the thing, my biggest fear is rejection and for me, functioning under a facade or not showing all of me to the world, it is part of my defence mechanism. You can change or alter a facade but if the real me isn't liked by the world, how do I change that. I may be a coward for it but you know what? I'm not perfect and I never claimed to be. I'm still finding my way in this world and if I choose to hide my weakness or fears behind a 'show of bravado', who are you to say that I'm wrong?

A while back, I wrote something on my blog about a friend who had disappointed me. And I've been judged on it; told off for being so quick to judge. But before you judged me, did you bother to read the earlier entries that led to me feeling that way: did you bother to read the subsequent entries that revealed that the entry had been written in anger and that I had come to realise other things? Did you talk to me and find out what is really bothering me? Did you ask me my side of it? Or do you just hear the snippets of conversation here and there and decided there and there to judge me?

All I can say is that when you point a finger at others, don't forget that one finger points at others but the other four point back at you.

Think what you want...I'm too tired to explain myself and constantly have to measure up to your high expectations of me.