it's been one week of silence...and then a phone call. I fought not to sound too excited on the phone but I could hear that tiny catch in my voice when I spoke. eventhough I had a million things to do, I dropped it all to spend that one afternoon getting my quick fix.

I don't think I've ever tried so hard to be positive; how do you smile when your heart is breaking inside? A part of me knows that it is for the best but yet all of me is so scared that I will not like the ending. I'm struggling to be strong and independent but I still feel like I've been cast adrift in a stormy sea.

Today, all signs were erased and all that's left is an emptiness. Devoid.

It hurts to breathe.

It's been the best f*cking night of my life...

Actually, it's been the best f*cking day in ages!!!!

Hands up those of you who are so happy that this is finally a happy entry!

It's Anzac Day today which means no uni or work for me. Totally awesome!!!!! Anyway, it was a nice hot, sunny day and I slept in till like one in the afternoon. I'm not that big a pig but I had two presentations yesterday and was up till like 4 in the morning the night before just cleaning out my closets. I see a major shopping spree coming up! But I digress.

So I woke up late and decided that the place needed a good cleaning. So I went through the entire place, clearing out old stuff and just mopping, dusting, vacuuming and generally just making the place sparkle.

Then I cooked dinner. Yes, I had a dinner party with all my old lovelies: Beth, Garth, Stephen and Ralphie. It was fantastic. The vibe was excellent, the food was loved, there was plenty of alcohol and the bitching absolutely divine!!!!!!! I haven't seen Beth, Stephen and Garth in ages and we had such a good time.

I especially loved my long chat with Garth in the balcony with our champers. I've missed Garth so much and he's also pretty much offered me a job at a new boutique opening up soon after I graduate.

But the best thing about it was talking to Garth about something I haven't been able to tell anyone about and knowing that he approves and supports me and can see what I'm talking about. It's great!

It's been a good night.

I'm happy....

When the heart aches
And it feels like there's nothing
Worth going on for

Or it ever feels like the skies
Are turning grey
When the storm seems never-ending
And you feel like you're all alone

You reach out but your hand
Is brushed aside by the passing crowd
You scream but it's buried by
The babble of self-absorbed thoughts

The tears...
They are but silent betrayers of
A weak nature

Who can heal you and stop
The bleeding of your soul?

No one in this world.

Where can I go?

A gentle whisper of what is missed
The sweet call of a familiar utopia
Perhaps the promise that things
Could be better?

I want to go home.