I've been going through some really tough times but I guess sometimes, you need to hit rock-bottom before you can pick yourself up...In my case, I hit rock-bottom hard; I think what I've been through is a personal hell that I'd have to live with for the rest of my life but the aftermath has made me realise that sometimes, even if it kills you, you need to walk away.

I wish things had ended on a more pleasant note or even that, it didn't have to end. The way I feel doesn't change but there comes a time when it's just better to not do anything. You have proven to me that evil exists in many forms. I was too good to you and you took advantage of the fact and given the chance, you hurt me badly enough to breach my high level of tolerance.

I'd be heading home soon; it'd be a good time to just take time out and recuperate both physically, mentally and emotionally.

But all is not lost, in my darkest hour, I realised that there are people who do care about me: I will always be greatful to the friends who helped to "fix" me when I was beyond broken.

A BIG HUG to Yvie who is always there to bolster me and listen to me when I need to talk and just even for the normalcy she puts in my life with our little "tea and balcony" breaks.

My heartfelt gratitude to Roxanna who I only met last semester but has taken me under her wing and made me feel very much like a spoilt little sister by the way she always looks out for me and takes care of me.

And last but not least, to my "brother" Eric who gave me the most awesome night out just when I really needed a way to climb back up. Eventhough we don't see each other as much as we used to because you're so busy now, I appreciate that you're there for me when I really need you. I love you, man...When I'm away from my family and I need someone to lean on, I know that you're my family here. *HUGS*

I woke up this morning to discover that I've morphed into an old lady... My muscles are killing me... But it's a good thing: no pain, no gain. Yesterday was a push on my endurance as I spent two hours in the gym on the cross-trainer, treadmill and exercise bike. Surprisingly, for someone as unfit as me, I managed to perservere till I reached my goal of burning 1000 calories. Hopefully that helped to burn some of the calories from Sunday's dinner, which was way sinful... But a good dinner is a small price to pay to spend quality time chatting and watching DVDs with Sami. I am amazed that we actually talked till 4 in the morning. *SIGH* It's Sami's last semester and I'm going to miss him when he's gone.

In any case, I think I may go swimming instead today.

The ANA revolution...

I think I've done everything I possibly could to make you love me and I failed miserably. I guess my best just wasn't enough for you. One of the reasons you gave me may be incredibly shallow and hurtful but I think in our harsh world, it's a significant factor.

So, on 19th January 2007, I started my ANA revolution. I will never let myself be hurt like that again. It's time the tables were turned.

A woman's fate is that a man will never fully appreciate her sacrifice.

I don't think you know how much I feel for you and the extents I would go to for you... but that's ok. My ANA revolution will put me in a better place than I am in now. And we'll see who's sorry then. I will succeed or die trying...

The Apple Doesn't Fall From The Tree...

So my dear Mummy finally left today. I have to say, I'm both elated and sad. It's been an interesting week. Having my mum here meant giving up my privacy and having someone to look after but she's been good company as well. I think everyone knows the feeling of loving their mothers but having to spend too much time with them would drive a person nuts. In any case, it's very true that my mother and I do share some similarities. In the past few days, we've been going nuts with the shopping, starting with the day my dad left.


I saw the most gorgeous Burberry White Bag from its ICON collection at Crown. My mum and I decided to go take a closer look at it when we sent my dad off on Sunday. I really liked it and my mum decided to buy it for me for my birthday...Yay! And it's the ONLY one in Melbourne and one of two in Australia. *GLEEFUL SHRIEK* Ok, ok...say it with me.... "BRAND WHORE"


Next, we went to Alannah Hill where my mum bought me a whole new outfit for CNY... lucky there was a sale on at Alannah...


Wednesday saw us at Chadstone and you can see the fruits of our "labor". Between my mum and I, we bought 10 pairs of shoes: My mum bought 2 pairs of Myers; 2 from Enzo Angliolini; 1 from Aldo and the last pair from MIDAS... I bought a pair of boots from ALDO and 2 belts; a pair of boots from Scooter; a pair of Aqua wedges from NineWest and a pair from Myers... in addition to shit loads of clothes...

This is my lovely Ballin Heels from Myers. Original Price $750, I paid $315. Bargain!!!!!

My mum's MIDAS heels that I am so loving. It's so cool that my mother loves her bling as well. Haha.

We also bought heaps of clothes from Sportsgirl, Forever New and other shops in our jaunts to Bridge Road and Victoria Gardens. Ooooh, and I got some totally cool DVDs...

Having my parents here is both good yet weird...

I have to admit that being away from home for a whole year has left me feeling rather homesick and with the current state of things, it's good to feel some TLC, just not too much of it.

For one, the parents being here means that the force-feeding has started. In addition to the epicurean overload i.e. a $345 lunch-for-two at Rockpool today and dinner at Silk Restaurant tonight, my father has gotten it into his head that his precious baby is not eating enough and therefore, he set off to the market today and bought me a freezer-full of food. So with slightly over two weeks before I go home, I, now, am swimming in salmon steaks, king prawns, kidneys, beef balls and other gastronimical delights. Dinner party anyone?




And as much as I wish I didn't... I miss you.

I was glad to leave 22 behind... For all its wonderful memories and experiences, there were some darker times as well. Turning 23 at the start of 2007 was supposed to be a good thing; a fresh start and new beginnings. All I can say is that, this early in the years, things have already started becoming really interesting.

One year older, hopefully wiser...

There are things that happened on my birthday that I wish didn't happen: things said that would have been better left unsaid...

Said or unsaid... the feelings still reside in my heart but in a moment of weakness, I let them out. And who did it end up hurting? Myself. It is a constant struggle to walk the fine line between of maintaining your own happiness and those of others... It becomes a vicious cycle when the happiness of others is tantamount to your own happiness.

I can't change what happened. And I am sorry. But now it depends on how willing you are to forgive... And I wonder if it matters at all, that for the one mistake I made, if all the other little things I do for you everyday matter at all to you.

Some days, I wish I was still that sweet innocent that I was... but somewhere along the path of growing up in this past year, I lost my halo... and I wonder if it was worth it?

In about an hour, it will 5th January and I will turn 23 years old.

As silly as it is, I can't help but wonder why I make the same birthday wish every year: that I will not be alone on my birthday. So far, it hasn't come true...

I have to say that 22 was an eventful year for me. There were the moments of joy but there were the ones where I wish someone would cut my heart out so I wouldn't hurt so much. Either way, it was a year of great learning.

All I can hope is that 23 will be a better year for me...

Happy Birthday, Me...Maybe next year my wish will come true.